Beware!
Spritsail Barge Enthusiasts Disease.
Highly infectious to males (and some females) of all ages.

The symptoms: The sufferer becomes confused and bewildered when not near a barge, a model, or barging ephemera. Will be observed wandering around with an intense expression, muttering strange words. Rapid rise in temperature, blood pressure, and pulse rate at the sight of a barge. Behaviour then becomes erratic, with much rushing about, loud vocal utterances and gyrations of the upper limbs and foaming at the mouth, with eyes rolling, is not uncommon. Such extreme symptoms should be approached with caution as the victim may sometimes be violent to non-believers. The afflicted spends much time and money at lonely, derelict quaysides and remote saltings, bookshops, model shops and in solitary pastimes in secluded workshops. Seems not to notice the passing of time, hunger and other physical discomforts. May be comfortable wearing an anorak or other strange modes of dress which are believed to identify the afflicted to fellow sufferers. This condition is incurable! The treatment: The patient should be kept quiet, when possible, and well supplied with items of appropriate marine interest. Should be encouraged to attend suitable maritime festivals, barge matches, scale sailing regattas or similarly therapeutic venues, where he may meet with fellow victims of the illness, to exchange ideas and experiences with them as a particularly efficacious form of rehabilitation therapy. Friends and relatives can aid partial recovery with free transport, free drinks and meals. In case of dire emergency contact your nearest member of Association of Model Barge Owners, Sailing Barge Association or similar organisations.

Pages maintained by David Renouf, email: bargemaster@thamesbarge.org.uk